Archive for the 'Kal' Category


Why won’t anyone do their job?

I think the 15 year olds who work in retail have one goal in life…and that’s to make me hate my very existence. I go to (name giant electronic retail chain here) to buy speakers for my car. The pre-pubescent little ass clown working in the car audio department literally looks like he just crawled out of bed and came right to work. I can still see the sleep in his eyes and the pizza stains on his shirt. I ask him for some help on finding the right size and speaker type for my pimped out chick magnet (a.k.a. 1990 Honda Accord) and you’d think I just asked him to cut off one of his testicles and hand it to me, bronzed and gift wrapped. God forbid this kid gets off his ass and does his job…no…that would be too much to ask. He tells me to go to the front customer service desk and ask them because his computer is down. Meanwhile I see another computer not 3 feet away that is working fine…I kindly point this amazing anomaly to young Einstein to which he responds with a long distinctly audible sigh and says “fine”. As he turns away and walks towards the work station, I strongly hold back my urge to dropkick this no talent, waste of life, Fall Out Boy reject.
We reach the computer and after many failed attempts at logging in, cry me a river emo boy finally logs in and looks up my car’s correct speaker dimensions and tells them to me. I thank him kindly and ask him to show me some speakers that would fit my car. If I could see his eyes under that lame ass emo haircut where all his hair is combed over to one side and covering his face, I’m sure they would say “I’m so misunderstood, and I deserve better than this crappy job and this guy and his effin’ speakers…waaa waaa waaa” So he points out some speakers and I can’t help but notice they aren’t the size the computer says will fit my car, to which he responds “don’t worry dude, I know what I’m talking about, I’ve been doing this for a long time…they’ll fit” Against my better judgment, I listen to the reject from the AFI fanclub and buy the speakers. I’m sure you know how all this works out…the speakers of course don’t fit. Now I have to go back and exchange the speakers…and I’m sure standing in line for an hour and a half to talk to another 15 year old half wit and have him/her screw up my return is just how I want to spend my afternoon. I do know what will be fun, however. Paying a visit to captain emo with half a brain is going to be fun. Because I’m going to shove my foot so far up this kids ass he’s going to be flossing with my shoe laces. This kid wants to cry about his crappy job and his misunderstood life…I’m going to give him a reason to cry. I’m not leaving until I make this kid cry…I’m gonna be on him like a fat kid on cake. He will rue the day…sorry for the rant…but I had to vent.


Why are women insane?

So I’ve been single for almost six months now and I’ve officially come to the conclusion that dating sucks. Most women in this city are completely out of there minds. I don’t want to generalize but every girl I know and every girl I’ve dated does the exact same thing. They’re all happy in the beginning, everything’s cool, things are just awesome. Then there comes this moment where this thing in their head clicks and everything goes to hell. I can almost hear the gears in their brain turning and this is what I hear…”Oh my God! Things are great, everything is awesome with this guy, he’s just what I’ve been looking for….now how can I completely mess this up? I know… I need drama! I’m going to cause a fight for absolutely no reason and make his life a living hell!” And then the screaming begins… and I say… SEE YA! Then the girl goes “Why can’t I find a good guy who appreciates me?” And the cycle begins again.


Is anyone else as psyched as I am?

Maybe it’s cuz I’m a total comic book geek, but please tell me I’m not the only one totally stoked to see Iron Man. I mean come on…how bad ass does this look. Tell me you wouldn’t be sporting this thing if you could:


I know there’s been a lot of crappy comic remakes (cough…Dare Devil) but I think this is gonna be solid.


Put up a pic!

So, I’m newly single, and a TON of people have told me to try the online dating thing. So, reluctantly…I agree. I have to admit there are some advantages to the whole online dating thing. You can cut through all the bull, and really find out what someone’s about. It’s all right there on their profile…likes/dislikes/character traits, and all that stuff. There is one thing that drives me NUTS. People who don’t put a picture on their profile. I mean COME ON! How the hell can you get to know someone and figure out if you’re compatible if you don’t know what they look like. And don’t give any of that bull about beauty is only skin deep and you need to get to know who’s on the inside. That’s a load of crap, because you could get to know the person, and fall in love with their personality and all that, but if you’re not physically attracted to them it ain’t goin’ nowhere! I don’t care if you’re a guy or a girl, you have to be physically attracted to them. So why do you have a profile up with no photo? Just put it up there and be proud of who you are and what you look like! Don’t contact me and expect me not to want to know what you look like!


I’m done with winter…

I don’t know about you, but I’m done with winter. You’d think I’d be used to this weather after living in the NY/NJ area for most of my life, but every winter, it hits me like a brick to the face. Especially working in NYC…the skyscrapers channel the wind down certain streets, and God forbid you walk down one of them…it’s like skud missile right to the chest. I’m done with it…bring me the spring/summer. Bring me shorts and flip flops…bring me cold drinks on warm nights…bring me scantily clad women showing off cleavage and legs. I’m especially partial to that last one. Nothing greater than seeing the lovely ladies of NYC walking the streets in tank tops, shorts, and sexy skirts…OH…and open toed shoes…those are HOT!


Done with winter

Am I the only one done with winter already? I know it’s only January, and we’ve only been in winter for about a month, but I’m ready for summertime. I’m ready for shorts and flip flops, cold drinks, and scantily clad women walking the streets of NYC. I’m particularly fond of that last one.