15
Mar
08

Van Hagar Vs Beastie Boys

DQ anyone? And I’m not talking about “Blizzard”.

This was another hyped up match with a lot of trash talking before the game. The Beastie Boys were thinking that their pre-warm-up rap would scare away Sammy and the Brothers Van Halen. Dead wrong! The Van Halen boys start running circles over the Beastie Boys. Eddie, shreds like a rock star should, Sammy downs “Cabo Wabo” like no man should (cause the stuff is horrible, and no man should touch it), and Alex… well he’s just boring. They jump out to a huge lead and beastie boys can’t do anything except keep their “Body Movin”. 1st half ends and Van Halen are in a clear lead. Sammy starts saying how after they win the whole thing he’s going to go to “Panama” and relax. 2nd half starts off the same way and the Beastie Boys look like they are “Sure Shot” out of luck. They bring out their “Brass Monkey” and rub it for good luck, but rubbing their monkey doesn’t seem to help the situation at the moment. Next thing you know Gary Cherone runs out from backstage and onto the court trying to catch his breath. “So What’cha Want”, cries out AD-ROCK. “I’ve got proof that this is ‘Sabotage”, Says Van Cherone. Looking at Sammy, “we need you to fill up this cup, and not with that crap you call tequila”. Sammy replies, “Right Here “Right Now”? While test results are coming in Cherone talks to Eddie and begs for his job back. BAM! Cherone gets cracked in the back of the head with a cymbal that was flung across the arena by Alex.

After further review it seems that not only did Sammy consume too much “Cabo Wabo”, he tested positive for HGH. As Sammy pours the last drop of “Cabo Wabo” into his shot glass he looks at the bottle and thinks to himself “Why Can’t This Be Love”? Beastie Boys in a joyous state gather up their posse, scream “Hey Ladies” “No sleep till… Brooklyn”….

Winner – Beastie Boys by Disqualification

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