From the wayback machine dept.

There is a show coming on the telly in Britian that is absolutely fascinating to me: Time Warp Wives.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1042702/Time-Warp-Wives-Meet-women-really-live-past.html

People who actually devote their lives to living in the past. I’m intrigued by it because I can’t decide if these cats are nuts or geniuses. Men work and win the bread. Women staying home and cleaning the house and looking pretty. They don’t have the pressures of the modern world, but still have current medical and computer technology available in case of emergency. I bet they drink martinis at 5:30 pm every day and go to bed with a sweet Bombay Sapphire Gin buzz and a stomach full of homecooked meal. Actually that doesn’t sound too bad!

from the sellout dept.

I figured out last night why people buy everything online now, at least music. A trip to the record store has jilted me. I stopped at my local go-to music store (not a huge electronics retailer, but a real record store) and I found The Pixies’ album Trompe le Monde. Haven’t listened to it, 10 bucks, what the hell. When I took it to the counter to be rung up, I felt it. The record shop worker snub. By two people.

There was the guy who had huge mutton chops, tight emo shirt / jeans, and was wearing sunglasses. Inside. While working. And by working, I mean on his cell phone, then looked at me, and then walked away. Thanks for the help fella! Then the girl with the bright pink hair, 2 lip piercings, and a problem opening her mouth to speak to me, the customer. The one who wants to buy things to put money into the store’s bank account, and that would put money into her paycheck! Funny how that whole economics thing works. But she finally bothered to ask me how I would be paying, after ringing the CD up, looking at it and pfffft’ing disapproval. I’m so sorry you aren’t happy with my musical selection, but please. Don’t pffft my CD choice, don’t walk away when I come to the register, and learn some customer service in general.

I wish I was cool enough to listen to whatever weirdo crap you had put on in the background to make my shopping experience miserable, but no, I’ll stick to my mainstream Top 40 Pixies. Thanks for making me feel welcome in your run down pit of a store. By the way, how are those dreams of being a musician going?

from the et tu, presley? dept.

I need to come into money so I can get in on this:

On October 15th (2 days after my birthday and I do expect a card!) a collection of ancient Roman artifacts will go up for auction in London. Included in the collection is a unique marble bust.

Maybe it’s just me, but this bears quite the resemblance to The King. Was Elvis alive almost 2,000 years ago when this bust was carved? That would be the same time that Jesus was alive. Another question then. Was Elvis one of the 12 Apostles? I’m going to say yes. And according to that logic, it is now acceptable to wear jumpsuits and rhinestones to church!

Regardless if any of my insane ramblings are true or not, I need someone to buy me this bust. 2,000 year old Elvis would look nice in my casa. I’ll make a proper display case, some track lighting. It’ll be sweet. The auction house thinks the bust will go for 50 to 60 thousand dollars. Worth every penny hounddogs!

From the look what I did all by myself dept.

Yesterday my girlfriend asked me for a small favor. You know that means something big that is way over your head. She needed a wireless network set up in her new apartment AND connect the TiVo to the network because she didn’t get a land-line phone. You would think in this age of plug-and-play accessories for computers I wouldn’t have a problem. HA! You thought wrong sucka…

Installing the wireless stuff was a 5 out of 10 pain in the butt. I had to reinstall the CD 2 times because some setting/proxy/address kept getting screwed up. It finally worked for some reason and now, due to a ghost helping me out and reprogramming something that I didn’t catch the first 2 times, there is now a one bedroom apartment smothered and covered in wireless glory. Even though she doesn’t have a laptop or any other wireless device. Now, onward to the TiVo.

If you’ve moved and changed cable systems and want to get your TiVo working again, good luck. You will have an easier type deciphering Egyptian hieroglyphics. You will have fun with coding. Networking. Administrative unlock. IR cables. RCA cables. S/PDIF. I was expecting to have Johnny 5 emerge out of the pile of electronics needed to plug in this one box. From start to checking their website to restart to cursing to waiting for the network configuration: 2 hours. For, essentially, a VCR. But I did it. When I left, complete. And I really didn’t mind spending the time either. The woman is happy. Now she can watch all the recorded TV she wants and not bother me when I have stuff to do. Like reading “Simple Home Electronics For Stupid People.”

from the mushroom dept.

I made a huge mistake recently. I thought that since I spend so much time on the train and luxury motor coaches (aka bus), it would be a good idea to buy a Nintendo DS. Play a few games here and there, pass the time. Well, I did succeed in passing the time traveling. And at home. And in place of going out. I’m addicted to the thing! It’s worse than booze and drugs, because at least on those you fall asleep once in a while. Late nights, bags under my eyes, all because of video games. Worst of all, I’d recommend all of you getting one. That way you too can feel the vise-like grip of the two small screens, calling your name every waking moment. I’d write more, but I have to save a Princess. DAMN YOU NINTENDO!!!

from the this is really the world we live in?! dept.

I’ve now officially seen it all. Two fans of the Insane Clown Posse had a stillborn child and gave it a funeral, ICP style. Look at these:

http://www.encyclopediadramatica.com/Anabelle_Lotus

http://www.poetv.com/video.php?vid=36997

Sometimes I wish I lived in a third world country. Sure, there is starvation, they live in shacks and  health care is inadequate at best, but they don’t have any of this crap going on.

from the baby it’s hot outside dept.

on my way in here today i noticed that the streets stink a bit more like urine. the homeless are only wearing one coat. fat guys are staying indoors. muggers have a bounce in their aggressive steps. girls are complaining how bright it is outside on their way to the tanning salon. SUMMERTIME BABY! Get outside and enjoy it, and make sure you say “how about this heat” a lot.

from the silver/nypd/scrubs/24 dept.

Since I was up at an ungodly hour yesterday I caught Ricky Schroder’s appearance on The Today Show, whoring his new show The Andromeda Strain. During the interview Ricky said that the worst mistake in his career was changing his name to Rick. Trying to be mature, grown up, and a serious actor. Should have checked with this guy first:

Charles. Rick. Legitimate thesbians. hehe.

from the de-den-den-daaaaa, de-den-daaaa dept.

I just had a fight. The argument kind, not the physical one. A girl I know tried to tell me that when Indiana Jones 4 comes out, it will bomb. Horribly. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! WRONG WRONG WRONG! Here’s why:

1. Releasing the film on Memorial Day weekend. When less people are travelling since gas is at 4 bucks a gallon, they need something to do. Movie! Perfect!

2. This is in the timeline. Unlike the new Star Wars films, people want to know what happened with Dr. Jones after The Last Crusade, not before.

3. Harrison Ford’s films, especially his action films, do well.

4. It’s one of the most hyped movies of the year and people are drawn to the hype.

5. IT’S INDIANA FRICKIN’ JONES DUMMY! If Iron Man can pull in 100+ million, this will kill that.

I presented all of these facts to her, and she still disagrees. Dummy. You can’t deny the hat and the whip. We

From the Press F7 for Spell Checker Dept.

Hell yeah! We also need to put God back in the skools…