OOOOH! That looks cool! Ima gonna do that too!

so i know that youtube, in it’s very worst, is a vast open wasteland of copycats.  why do you say THAT schwenker?  2 words.

chocolate rain.

anywho, im VERY glad we have that aspect of youtube for this very instance.  do you know the wii hula girl?  the person who was supposedly taped on the sly by her boyfriend, doing some gyrations to wii hula hoop, and looking good while doing it?

well if you dont know what i’m talking about, here’s a refresher course:

ok.  and now for the copycats:

that would be playboy cyber girl of the year Jo Garcia.

obviously, this is the beauty of youtube.  but i would like to say, on the RECORD, that if i happen to see nik carter in boy shorts, doing some goofy yoga type crap to the wii,  we’ll be able to see what happens when someone lights a macbook on fire.

Sweet! Now Nik Carter can get a date!

Apparently, in the year 2050, some guy thinks we’re gonna be having relationships with robots. Anyone else notice how this article does NOT have the guy’s photo on it? seriously. what if he was just hoping out loud. sitting in his cubicle, popping his zits, arguing online about the possibilities that the show “heroes” was based on facts and figuring out which senior center he’s going to tonight with good ole mom for bingo…. and suddenly WHAMMO! sex-robots.

he’d tried hitting on the AI fem-bots on xbox 360 AND ps3, but even they dont pay much attention to him. so he’s dreaming of some commodore 64 with an emotion chip (futurama reference) to give him some tender tender electrobyte lovin.

*wait for the cheesy comment*

*waiiiiiiiit for it!*

better wrap it in plastic holmes, that computer virus aint cured be penicillin. HI-YO!

I pretty much despise the show “The Hills”

how could i not?  it spawned the careers of heidi montag, and spencer pratt.  (who might just be the perfect example of what happens when genetics declares war on the human race)

Epic editing fail!

but also, i find it annoying.  seriously.  those women make me wanna put my head through plate glass window.

HOWEVER!

if the show was 30 minutes of THIS:

i’d watch.  24/7. and buy all the products they advertised during it.  twice. 

My BSG obsession knows no bounds

i was bouncing around a couple blogs the other day, and came across a VERY interesting idea.  John McCain is a cylon, from battlestar.

i’m not gonna get into the details, i’ll just let the picture speak for itself.

yup. he’s saul tigh.  and tigh is a cylon.  no good.  epic fail for humanity.

 

BUT.  his wife cindy just seemed to remind me of someone.  i couldnt figure it out for the life of me…and then it dawned on me……

VOLDEMORT!!!!!

  

 

im sorry. regardless of your political affiliation, i think having a a drunken robot and an evil wizard living in the white house would be bad for us, as a nation.

Proof that God loves Sci Fi.

so i think that my love of the nerdage and geekdom is fairly well documented. also, i think my devotion to the tv show battlestar galatica is commonly held knowledge.

i love that show. it’s smart and funny, and it’s about space and robots….and as i’ve often said, whatEVER time frame this show takes place in, humans and robot women alike, are hot as SNOT. bless the show creator’s tylium-plated hearts, but obviously they were nerds in high school *cough* and are making up for it now.

so, how is that proof that God loves sci-fi?

TA-DA!

thats starbuck/katee sackoff. she’s the buff one who looks like she wants to beat the piss out of you…and you’d enjoy every second of it.

Boomer/Number 8/Grace Park.

in the show, there are millions of her. yup, might as well throw the brain straight in the gutter.

Number 6/Tricia Helfer

she’s a total cylon, there’s been versions of her that have killed over versions of her, she’s been shacking up with humans and robots alike, and she has been half and 3/4’s naked more times than any other woman i’ve ever seen in the history of television.

you have my admiration, miss.

so there you have it! definitive proof that God loves Sci Fi…..

just try and imagine how the women from sex and the city would look in those outfits.

blech.

enough of thinking about bags of bones! lets end this blog on a high note.

Thank God for you Interview Magazine!

Can someone in tv come up with a new damn idea??

So, we had american idol. 

just so you know, that show blows.  or it sucks.  either way, it doesn’t really matter because paula abdul is most likely hammered off her face currently. 

Anyways, so american idol blows the doors off of the national tv scene, and EVERYONE and their awful sister networks have to get 7 different knock offs.  not just singing, but ice skating and inventions and dads hitting on their daughters while slut dancing and making fun of peoples moms…

whatever.  it doesnt matter.  it’s complete drivel and if you ENJOY that stuff, there’s plenty of IQ tests online to prove you’re an idiot.

but i’ve had enough.  TLC is launching a new $#!%-fest that has people imitating dancing from yesteryear, but also changing the dances they must do in mid dance.

WHAT?!?!?!?  THATS Caaaaaaaa-RAZEE!!  what ambitious young tv executive brainstormed on this idea.  honestly.  no, i’m serious.  

people have to learn moron dances from michael jackson videos from 1984, and then have to be able to change into doing the hammer dance when a gong rings.  

arrested development is cancelled, CANCELLED.  shows like this are blipping off tv all the time, and THIS is the garbage they dump on us.  

there are FOUR, yes i said effing FOUR, law and order shows.  you could have a damn law and order channel by itself, and for some God awful reason, we can’t manage to keep shows like arrested development on.  we wouldnt be able to get the latest dance with your mom, after olympic skeet shooting with amateur knife developing inventors.  

by the way, the host of the show is joey lawence.  and he’s bald.  

do i have to say anymore?  honestly?

 

 

Rockers with the hottest wives list.

ok, im doing my own list. i dont know if we’re gonna play it this weekend on the everybody loves lists weekend, but who cares! pictures of hot women are good any day of the week.

1. nikki sixx and donna d’errico

life is beautiful? really? ya think?

2. the PROFESSIONAL rocker wife…pam anderson.

please. dont lie. you’d sell your soul to add your name to the list….even after tommy lee and kid rock.

3. hottest EX wives kate hudson/shanna moakler/liv tyler

kate was married to chris robinson of the black crowes. i think my brain just died.  kate, obviously, you dig guys with beards….check my page, k, thx, bi.

shanna was married to travis barker from blink 182. she also gets points for trying to beat the $%^& outta paris hilton

liv tyler just seperated from the hubby, lead singer of spacehog (in the meantime). the triple threat, cause her dad is a rocker as well (aerosmith, dummy) AND was in the lord of the rings movies. the nerd in me just swooned.

4. dirtiest rock wife. tera patrick. married to evan seinfeld from biohazard.

i was looking for some pics, and my computer nearly burst into flames. yowza.

ok….i think im gonna stop now. ive had so many warnings about the corporate porn filter that they’re probably tracking my every move now.

it’s not my fault rockers love the naked ladies! i’m just trying to write a blog!

Remember when you got all upset….

cause maxim named you the ugliest woman on the planet?

yea, you’re not helping the situation.

This man is a GOD.

honestly, he’s added jennifer aniston to his list.

John Mayer, the man who wants to bust through the doors of his high school and get white people to dance with the almighty geetar has landed jennifer aniston.

i dont even know if this dude has put out anything new in the past 5 years, but obviously he’s got something the women’s are loving.

so i did some searching. this is the lady’s who have been with john mayer over the years.

1. Vanessa Carlton.

2. Jennifer Love Hewitt

3. Rhona Mitra

4. Jessica Simpson

5. Penelope Cruz

6. Cameron Diaz

7. Minka Kelly

And now Jennifer Aniston.

I’m gonna say this. Do i like his music? no.

but this dude is my new freaking hero. look at that line-up! are you F*$%^&$%(^& kidding me?!?!?!? i honestly dont know anyone off the top of my head that could POSSIBLY have a better batting average EVER. that dude is mickey mantle, sinatra, and every member of def leppard rolled into one. and he has all his arms.

i’ve never even heard of minka kelly, but look at her! who cares!

at this point, i’ve got to wonder if he isn’t clubbing them over the head with a guitar and dragging them off to a cave or something. maybe he’s boring them to sleep with another meaningless riff. i gotta get me some lessons again and figure out how to play “Your Body is a Wonderland”.

John Mayer is officially a God.

so, i officially don’t suck anymore!

i finally made it into the 2000’s, since i finally bought myself a new gaming system.  i purchased a sparkly new xbox 360 this weekend, and i promptly learned several things.

1.  im officially old.  i went on xbox live and got my ass handed to me by a bunch of pre-pubescent freaks from cananda.  apparently, my fast twitch muscles and reaction time have decayed slightly. 

also, enough with the damn sniper rifle!

2.  my tv sucks.  seriously.  now i gotta go out and buy a 2 grand tv to make my video games looks better?!?!?

wait, thats a problem?

3.  video games look better then real life.  when the hell did this happen?!?!? when i loaded up oblivion, my jaw hit the ground.  it’s almost like game developers are taunting us. 

“hahahah! real life will never look as good! don’t go outside! plus, real women will never pay this much attention to you!  in the game, the AI HAS to talk to you.  give up on a social life, bud.”

4.  you should make me your friend.  xbox live name is radioschwenker.  do it.  cause i said so.